I woke up with an attitude this morning.
As if Two Name Thursday was about to hijack all the efforts of Wellbeing Wednesday.
I was as confused as Throwback Thoughtful Thursday’s name. Confused to claim confidence, unable to claim past days words…
I was the old me for the first 30 minutes of the day
A little unsure again, a little tired and a little torn.
But quick to remember to be thoughtful or throw it back. Full of words yesterday. This morning it was blank. I had to focus on another commitment.
I work myself up before meeting people.
The result of pushing and being pushed. Imposter syndrome runs riot. “I can’t do it” and “I can’t be bothered” get blurred.
My mind is a natural campaigner; I’m pretty good at convincing my mind it can’t do things, if I can’t be bothered. Today, that comfort was taken.
I did something I’ve wanted for over a decade.
Drove around my hometown. NZ almost makes you a criminal at 28 without a license. Not enough with a scooter, not even with a 200cc.
I think scooter gets people laughing. What gets me laughing is head nods from motorcyclists who see a scooter pump over Spooners range, knowing due to location, I’ve come from far or I have a long way to ride.
Scooters did me but that’s the thing, I could only fit me in the scooter gang plan.
I was told to teach myself, then told not to drive my own car.
Giving people power over you is as powerful as it sounds. My potential to drive was a rubberband, strangling my wrists with the ability to go far. I let everyone else decide when I can and can’t drive.
The last time I remember driving was 2019. I hitchhiked from Rotorua to Whakatane. The person who picked up in Whakatane, let me drive to Ōpōtiki.
I feel torn today as if Throwback Thursday threw a driving lesson as a reminder.
I’m a boss bitch even in a club I’ve been kicked out of many times. I came home feeling so good but so tired from handling emotions.
Happy to gain confidence in driving but not confident in a throwback. It seemed all thoughts were about how I felt about driving. Never ready to drive but never ready to be taught.
Today, someone was paid to teach me. I had to calm nerves and lose the attitude. Someone (had to) trust I’d keep them safe. I was the driver of the car!
TBT Thoughtful Thursday was as confusing as it sounds but isnt that what life is?
A rollercoaster of good and bad, yin and yang?
Next week, I’ll try Tinana Thursday. Focus hard on the body and get a movin!
TBT talk — I’ve travelled to 14 countries without a license and almost bought one up Khao San Road. I can get places without wheels x
