COCC

I mask everything

and tell them that I’m alright.

Can’t talk today, so many tasks, running out of masks, I’ll have to pass on the judgement.

Add a task and try to sing,

I tell them that I’m alright.

Live in art, make it a thing,

and tell them that I’m alright.

Show I’m smart, grow some wings,

and tell them that I’m alright.

Smoke a dart, the doorbell rings,

I tell them that I’m alright.

Not so bright, late at night,

I tell them that I’m alright.

Instability is struggle to contain let alone hide. Hidings seem left to those that shiver to tip toes. I shake daily, is that why they target me?

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They spoke of painted on ears

I need them

Look for any noise

Aware in fear

Hear what’s near

I don’t want to be alone

Cower at a knock

Cry behind the curtain

Break at the door

I don’t want to be here

Can’t bare they’re here

Wasn’t prepared for this.

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Cause I trusted the gang

Is it better to fear bullies or hide fear?

You don’t know what you’re not taught

Born into gang mentality

Let them lead,

Lost in breed,

Fed in greed,

Where’s the gang?

When I need,

When I bleed,

Can barely breathe.

Where’s the gang?

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If jail was about rehabilitation not punishment,

Understanding not discrimination,

Helped out not locked in,

Voice not silence,

Change not repitition,

I’d persecute my abusers.

But it’s not, so I’m not.

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Cause they said I could

What Now plays in the background

Followed the path lay out for me. Born first girl, second eldest to 6, responsibility put in order. Body scattered under pressure, too heavy to hold, I’m broken.

No time for another baby, know your role. Eldest lead, smart people read, role models model. My aunty travelled the world, modelled what parents hadn’t done. Hard work and I had the same life, their dreams.

Work hard for what now?

I gave up responsibility. Chose my life not theirs. Is this the life they wanted for me?

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An honest chat.

I often sugar coat a lot or ignore. The aim is to create space for a new me. Grow and learn.

11 Lessons at 11am (or just after)

  1. You hold yourself back when you let a morning grump ruin the whole day.
  2. Be mindful of those around you too
  3. You are what you do and say. You’re doing so bloody good.
  4. Be mindful but don’t let them overtake
  5. You know yourself the best
  6. Will it matter in a year?
  7. Fuck home girl, you getting out in the hood. We feel it. We love it.
  8. What do you need to be anxious about?
  9. Who cares that they don’t like you
  10. Focus on the ones who do
  11. Trust your intuition

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